Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My cat gives me a boner
now i know why i became what i already was.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
