even my farts smell like vagina
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
