I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
