Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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