if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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