I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
