I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
