if you like me you must not know who I am
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
