I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
