he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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