Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
