Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
