There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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