Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
