Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Couch. On fire.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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