You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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