You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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