I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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