I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
