I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
