he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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