Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
