All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
