I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
