it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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