You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
