She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ugly people sure do ruin things
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
