I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
