i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My pussy is not your playground.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
