tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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