he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
