I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
