he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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