I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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