Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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