How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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