The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
God, you're like boner-b-gone
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
