Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
