I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
