I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and she was petting her beer can
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
