The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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