So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
