im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
