Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You smell like stripper and shame
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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