did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
