A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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