Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Im part way to drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
