: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
