I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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