Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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